A Bye in the Park: Summer 2006

The rain is frightening

And the park is bare

My canvas shoes

Are gonna need the dry cleaner

I say

You’re the one

Who wanted to see me

She says

Right

I step closer

She steps closer

So this is it

I say

What do you mean

I mean you’re leaving

So

So this is big

I kick some bark and hug her

She puts her head on my shoulder

You talk so tough

I say

But you’re always so soft in my arms

What do you want me to do

Nothing

I kiss her

We kiss for a while

And then I feel the need to cry

What

She says

I put my head on her shoulder and begin

She holds me tight

We never had a chance

I say

I know

She says

To start anything real

Or normal

It’s not that far though

Yeah well

We can still have sex on holidays

I dry my eyes

Let’s go

We leave that part

And walk until there’s a pretzel guy

And I buy her one

Thanks

She says

I take a piece of it

Goodbye

I chew it and turn

Goodbye

She says

With her mouth full

Salisbury, England: Summer 2005

Ugh

A nice day-long hunger

Weakening me

Mmm

I can taste it

It tastes like my breath

Sniff

My sheets for tonight

Thank you Hostel

Exhale

This guy underneath me snoring

Like it’s the right thing to do

Like he’s helping the room of eight

Another sniff

These sheets smell

Like so many people

Oh

What it’ll be like to eat a meal tomorrow

After none today

More snoring

Fine be my clock or something

Bright light

I actually fell asleep

God is a nice person

Five Thirty

You’ve got to be kidding

All these people are getting up

Five Forty Five

I’ll take a shower

Then sip tea and play solitaire

Until the girlfriend comes down

Stir

I wonder if the women’s dorm was quieter


Shuffle

This game is inherently flawed

Smile

There she is

She looks so good

Blah

Blah blah baby blah

Blah baby blah

Gasp

Doors to the food are open

Fucking finally

Sniff

Barely any of this is vegan

But I am starving

Grab

The stuff that isn’t meat

Eat

Eat eat eat eat

Eat eat eat eat

Baby

Let’s go to the bank

And then get some Subway

She says

Yes

Fucking yes

I say

I

Love you

She says

I

Love you too

I say

Sick: Autumn 2007

Just let me in, Darling

Let me be me

Let me treat you

How I see you, Baby

That thing that I’ve got

Couldn’t possibly

Penetrate you, Sweetness

But it did and I don’t

Understand anything, Lovely

And now that we’re equal

I can do anything, Honey

So let’s go, Pretty

Let’s get out of here

Pretty soon, Gorgeous

We can start over

When we’re gone, Beauty

And it was going to happen anyway, Heaven

Another Night: Autumn 2007

Don’t wake me

I scrawl onto printer paper

And affix to my door

With a scrap of clear tape

From the side of a box

Shutting my computer down

I sigh and rub my face circularly

As I think of you

Enjoying your 2 AM

In fucking California

Brooklyn birds wake happily

I shut my windows tight

Blast the big AC

Creating a fat noise

So I can sleep nice

A dream comes quickly

I’m watching TV in it

New episode of Lost

Better than I could write

Had I been awake

At noon I get up to pee

I do so with shut eyes

Come back to bed

Pet the cat now in it

And sleep close to her fur

At 2PM

I’m ready for a day

Spend it great

Better half with art

Later half with you

Writing wirelessly

Vacation: Summer 2007

It’s earlier than you’d ever believe I’d be up

And everything is spinning as slow as possible

As I chew yogurt and granola

And listen to the Andrews Sisters

On the car’s radio

Not sleeping makes me feel the world

And I could cry at the drop of anything

I feel weak and I crave a guitar

And the sun to go down

My own bedding

PAX TV back at the hotel

And I’m bawling

As Tony Danza builds an ark

And I struggle to sleep

Wake up stoic

Another day of vacation

And another without you

Or the reason why I was born

And swimming is fun and all

But I miss calluses

Selfless: Autumn 2007

Oh to have you

Hold your hand

Really hold it

Inside and out

Guide you up

Build your head

Take your turns

Like my own

Kiss your face

Feel my love

Quiet rocking

As I fuck you

Out of life

The Quagmire: Autumn 2007

I wake well into the day

To the groan

Of your car’s withdrawal

Smokey steam

Fills the room

From your recent shower

Your lipstick like

Bullet shells

On the Motel floor

A white sleep shirt

Droops off the TV

The war is over

Irish Marriage (Italics by Nadia)

Irish Marriage (Italics by Nadia)

Maybe when we were married in Ireland I was always happy
in the sun lying in the greenest grass you've ever seen
and having kids
while our kids danced a jig
beautiful kids
and we wore giant sweaters
and your beautiful big belly
made of the wool
your big pregnant belly
from our sheep
kissing your belly
and our faces aching every night
before we went to sleep
your protruding belly button
because we smiled too much
during the day
your big fucking milk breasts
and the lake and the swans
and our fireplace
and your smile of accomplishment
after each day
and your homeschooling
in the school house behind the house
where you shear sheep when the season came
and all our children have traditional gaelic names
and the garlic in the food
and the potatoes
and your big milk breasts
and your big fertile cock

Girl in my bed: Autumn 2005

Girl in my bed

This girl in my bed
Wears smiles proudly
Doesn’t try them on first
Or see what they’d go best with
She has the strength not to cry
When she sees my harpoon wounds
Tells me I’ll be okay
As she holds my hand tightly
I believe in her words
As I believe in cold oceans
And when her whole body moans
I know I’ll get better